go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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