just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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