tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
