watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
