Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
