i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
