dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
