I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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