another moral hangover. fuck.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
