Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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