He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
