Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
