I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
