WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They took my balls.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
lol hangovers are for mortals.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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