oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
