return my video game
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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