somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
