i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
