My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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