dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
