best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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