We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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