i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
