We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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