Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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