im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
