You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
