Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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