Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
