Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
