i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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