you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
