Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
