how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
