I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
