so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
