Umm I'm too high to move.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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