I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
