New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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