I need help removing her.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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