I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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