But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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