they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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