yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
