Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
