I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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