you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
