Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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