Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
