his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
