Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
