when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
