my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
